Dave’s Daily Dose

“Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,” he
said. “How much will you charge me?”

The blond quickly responded, “How about $50?”

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything
she would need was in the garage. The man’s wife, hearing
the conversation, said to her husband, “Does she realize
that our porch goes all the way around the house?”

He responded, “That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?”

The wife replied, “You’re right. I guess I’m starting to
believe all those dumb blond jokes we’ve been getting by
e-mail lately.”

A short time later, the blond handywoman came to the door to
collect her money.

“You finished already?” the husband asked.

“Yes,” the blond replied, “and I had paint left over, so I
gave it two coats – no extra charge.”

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and
handed it to her.

“And by the way,” the blond added, “it’s not a Porch — it’s
a Lexus.”

‘Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?’
A: Sparrow
B: Thrush
C: Magpie
D: Cuckoo

I haven’t got a clue,’ said Mick, ’so I’ll use me last lifeline and phone me friend Paddy back home in Dublin ‘. Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.

‘Fookin hell, Mick!’ cried Paddy.
‘Dat’s simple……it’s a cuckoo.’ ‘Are you sure?’
‘I’m fookin sure.’

Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, ‘I’ll go wit Cuckoo as me answer.’ ‘Is that your final answer?’ asked Chris
‘Dat it is, S ir.’
There was a long, long pause, then the presenter screamed, ‘Cuckoo is the
correct answer! Mick, you’ve won 1 million pounds!’

The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.
‘Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven’s name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn’t build it’s own nest?

‘Because he lives in a Fookin clock!!!

The guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.” The buddy with the Doberman says, “Just follow my lead.”

They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in.

The bouncer at the door says, “Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed.” The man with the Doberman says, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”

The bouncer says, “A Doberman?” He says, “Yes, they’re using them now, they’re very good.” The man at the door says, “Come on in.”

The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, “What the heck,” so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. Once again the bouncer says, “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.” The guy with the Chihuahua says, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”

The bouncer at the door says, “A Chihuahua?”

The man with the Chihuahua says, “A Chihuahua??? They gave me a Chihuahua?!”