Subject: Oil Spill Update:
CNN just reported that BP replaced the oil well cap with a wedding ring and it has immediately stopped putting out
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A blond, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire
herself out as a “handywoman” and started canvassing the
neighborhoods. She went to the front door of the first house
and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
“Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,” he
said. “How much will you charge me?”
The blond quickly responded, “How about $50?”
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything
she would need was in the garage. The man’s wife, hearing
the conversation, said to her husband, “Does she realize
that our porch goes all the way around the house?”
He responded, “That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?”
The wife replied, “You’re right. I guess I’m starting to
believe all those dumb blond jokes we’ve been getting by
e-mail lately.”
A short time later, the blond handywoman came to the door to
collect her money.
“You finished already?” the husband asked.
“Yes,” the blond replied, “and I had paint left over, so I
gave it two coats – no extra charge.”
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and
handed it to her.
“And by the way,” the blond added, “it’s not a Porch — it’s
a Lexus.”
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Mick, from Dublin , appeared on ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’ and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 pounds.
You’ve done very well so far,’ said, Chris Tarrant, the show’s presenter, ‘but for a million pounds you’ve only got one lifeline left -phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question……will you go for it?’ ‘Sure,’ said Mick.
‘I’ll have a go!’
‘Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?’
A: Sparrow
B: Thrush
C: Magpie
D: Cuckoo
I haven’t got a clue,’ said Mick, ’so I’ll use me last lifeline and phone me friend Paddy back home in Dublin ‘. Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.
‘Fookin hell, Mick!’ cried Paddy.
‘Dat’s simple……it’s a cuckoo.’ ‘Are you sure?’
‘I’m fookin sure.’
Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, ‘I’ll go wit Cuckoo as me answer.’ ‘Is that your final answer?’ asked Chris
‘Dat it is, S ir.’
There was a long, long pause, then the presenter screamed, ‘Cuckoo is the
correct answer! Mick, you’ve won 1 million pounds!’
The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.
‘Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven’s name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn’t build it’s own nest?
‘Because he lives in a Fookin clock!!!
Thanks to Kara for submission.
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