Dave's Daily Dose

How I learned to mind my own business

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day.

The patients were shouting,

’13….13….13.’

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a small gap in the planks, so
I looked through to see what was going on…..

Somebody poked me in the eye with a stick!

Then they all started shouting

’14….14….14′…

(4 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)

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      How I learned to mind my own business I was walking past the mental hospital the other day. The patients were shouting, '13....13....13.' The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a small gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on..... Somebody poked me in the eye with a stick! Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'... <br><a href="http://www.davesdailydose.com/category/funny-jokes/" title="View all posts in Jokes" rel="category tag">Jokes</a>

A respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the
pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, ‘I would like to buy some
cyanide.’

The pharmacist asked, ‘Why in the world do you need cyanide?’

The lady replied, ‘I need it to poison my husband.’

The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, ‘Lord have mercy! I
can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. That’s against the law! I’ll
lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad
things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!’

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her
husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, ‘Well now, that’s
different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.’

(3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5)

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      A respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.' The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?' The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.' The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!' The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.' <br><a href="http://www.davesdailydose.com/category/funny-jokes/" title="View all posts in Jokes" rel="category tag">Jokes</a>

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember :

1.. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written
An impressive new book. It’s called .
‘Ministers Do More Than Lay People’

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink
And be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and
Your boss, the Pope only expects you
To kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant
Flash and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to
Your door is if you’re in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once.
The seat folded up, the drink spilled and
That ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes
Now, of course, there’s
Shipping and handling, too.

8.. A husband is someone who, after taking
The trash out, gives the impression that
He just cleaned the whole house.

9 My next house will have no kitchen – just
Vending machines and a large trash can.

10. A blonde said, ‘I was worried that my
Mechanic might try to rip me off…
I was relieved when he told me all
I needed was turn signal fluid.’

11. Definition of a teenager?
God’s punishment…for enjoying sex.

12. As you slide down the banister of life, may
The splinters never point the wrong way.

(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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      As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember : 1.. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written An impressive new book. It's called . 'Ministers Do More Than Lay People' 2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink And be Mary. 3. The difference between the Pope and Your boss, the Pope only expects you To kiss his ring. 4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant Flash and it is gone. 5. The only time the world beats a path to Your door is if you're in the bathroom. 6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and That ice, well, it really chilled the mood. 7. It used to be only death and taxes Now, of course, there's Shipping and handling, too. 8.. A husband is someone who, after taking The trash out, gives the impression that He just cleaned the whole house. 9 My next house will have no kitchen - just Vending machines and a large trash can. 10. A blonde said, 'I was worried that my Mechanic might try to rip me off... I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid.' 11. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment...for enjoying sex. 12. As you slide down the banister of life, may The splinters never point the wrong way. <br><a href="http://www.davesdailydose.com/category/funny-jokes/" title="View all posts in Jokes" rel="category tag">Jokes</a>

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

Thanks to Kara.

(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)

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      <p> </p><strong>An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. 'So,' says the cop to the driver, 'where have ye been?' 'Why, I've been to the pub of course,' slurs the drunk. 'Well,' says the cop, 'it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening.' 'I did all right,' the drunk says with a smile. 'Did you know,' says the cop, standing straight, and folding his arms across his chest, 'that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?' 'Oh, thank heavens,' sighs the drunk. 'for a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.'<p> </p></strong><p>Thanks to Kara. <br><a href="http://www.davesdailydose.com/category/funny-jokes/" title="View all posts in Jokes" rel="category tag">Jokes</a>